Shadows and Regrets
by Kiara45
Summary: "It was because I am in love you!" Roy shouts out into the distance, hoping Edward would hear him. Edward freezes, nearly tripping when he hears Roy. "You're fuckin' lying." Edward spits out before he even turns around. "You're even more of an asshole now than you were a few minutes ago." MAJOR spoilers for 03 anime, Roy/Ed
**A/N:** Started this three weeks ago after Rewatch, trying to work in a canon setting for once but that didn't last too long haha.

* * *

Finding him out in the ruins of Ishbal was not a surprise. He knew Edward would follow the scent of danger, he needs the Adrenalin rush of fighting Scar. Alongside the satisfaction of saving lives to help keep him on his feet and not in the downward darkness of the sins of his past. Ed wants to save the world, he wants to fix all the disaster that Scar has done. But Roy must keep him _safe_ , and to do that he must keep an eye on the boy so that he does not turn _grey_ with worry.

"From now on you will be working under my command, Edward." Roy said, he catches Archer tense beside him. He does not trust the blond and is ready to fire at any moment. He's an unpleasant person, but the Fuhrer assigned him to the mission and Roy must endure working beside him. Because of that Roy needs to keep an eye on Edward, he doesn't trust Archer and he doesn't trust Ed to not make a mess.

Edward is unusually calm, accepting the news with a slight nod. Alphonse is the one distressed, wanting to work like they always have – _alone_ , away from the military. The separation away from the military, the working on missions alone, it was the only way they had ever done it. The only way to ensure that the military didn't find out their secret, didn't find out of their tarnished past.

"It's the rules Al, I'm their dog." Edward started, getting up from his seat as he folded his arms together. "When war starts, they put me back on their leash."

Roy's furrows his brows, because Ed is not acting like himself. He should be shouting, raging hell at Roy and calling him a bastard. But instead he's calmly explain to Al about how a war is on the verge of coming. _Damn_ – that kid is perceptive as hell.

"Calm down," Archer said in a sly tone, "We're just suppressing a little regional uprising."

Archer is dumb as hell, these boys are far too perceptive for them to buy this shit. The relations with Liore are tense and every one in the military knows whats coming, as they've seen it happen with Ishbal.

"Our objective is a city about two kilometers to the South-East, and that's it." Roy explained, and while it's the truth he hates lying to the boy. Because everyone knows a war will break out regardless.

"Big guns for a peace-keeping mission." Edward answered in a sarcastic tone.

"You think so?" Archer asked in a slick tone, a smirk spreading across his lips.

"Why don't you come out and say it?" Edward asked, his brows furrowing and frown marring his face. "Scar's your real target." Ed pauses for a minute, letting out a soft sigh. "Truth is, we're looking for him too."

* * *

At lunch with the team, Roy's set on getting answers out of Ed. Why were they searching for Scar, what did they need out of him? Didn't they know dangerous the man was, and his _hatred_ for State Alchemists. And this worries Roy because Scar has tried to _kill_ the Elrics before, and Roy knows Scar wouldn't hesitate to try to kill the brothers again. This makes Roy's heart _race_ and _flutter_ with worry and fear. Because he fears for the day when he will receive an envelope with a typed up letter and dog tags stuffed inside.

"Why Scar, what's your need to catch him?" Roy asked, watching as Edward stuffs his face. The teen always acts like he's never eaten before in his life, and it always amuses him.

"He is a wanted man, isn't he?" Edward asked, pausing for another mouth full. "If we don't, there'll be trouble later."

Edward then notices some pictures spread out in the middle of the table. The team seems to be looking over them, talking softly between them about the information they hold. "What's that?" Edward asked.

"Picture's of our target city." Falman answered. "From our new surveillance ballon"

Edward thinks for a moment, before a frantic noise escapes his throat and he rushes over to grab the pictures. Because he _knows_ what goddamn city that is! Holding it in his hand, he feels his body shaking. "I don't believe it..." He mummers in a slightly shaky tone. "Is this right?"

Al peers over his brothers shoulder, looking at the overview of the city. "A grand arcanum circle." He answered. "Around the entire city..."

Edward can't believe it, the city had no right to be part of such a plan. Those people deserved peace, especially after they had that asshole of a 'priest'. Rose deserved to be at peace, among all the other towns people. Dammit _,_ why did these people have to go through so much!

"But who would do such a thing?" Al asked, his voice breaking Edward from his deep thoughts.

"Scar..." Edward replied in a soft tone, his eyes glued to the picture. Because what the _hell_ was that asshole planning?

"And why would you say that?" Roy asked, curious as to what the teen was thinking.

"You wouldn't happen to know the motives behind that, Ed?" Riza asked in a serious tone, because if the teen knew the answers they needed to know them right _now._

"No..." Edward replied, his eyes turning to his boots. "The city... what's it called?"

"It's Liore, sir." Kain answered swiftly, and Edward sucked in a quick breath of air. "Last year, the so-called profit in control of the city stepped down and the military was hoping it could go in and restore the peace-"

"That'll do Furey." Roy interrupted, because he knew Edward knew the history of the town. He had the boys chicken scratch report to prove it. "He's familiar with its past."

Edward pressed his hands to the table, supporting himself up. His whole body was shaking, because he _knew_ he played a hand in causing all this shit. Damn if he ever got a break from feeling guilty for all that he's done in the last three years. The universe never gave him a break, and this time was surely no different. "I don't get it.." Edward muttered through gritted teeth. "An armed uprising in Liore?"

"That doesn't make sense." Al added on. "They were committed to peace after we exposed Cornello!"

"Not for long." Havoc added. "The priest came back, and Liore was divided between those who supported and those who opposed him." He continued. "The only thing you really accomplished was stirring up the debate." Havoc paused, "Now both sides are against us."

Havoc could rot in hell for all Roy cared, because fuck him for causing Ed another round of guilt.

"Why didn't any one tell me all this?!" Edward asked, his voice full of anger and a tinge of hurt. "As far as I knew we helped!"

Roy looked up, and he could see the betrayal and anger washed across Edwards features. And it hurt him to betray the boy. "I goy the report from Hughes, and I made the decision not to tell you." Roy answered honestly, and he knew this wasn't going to make Ed any happier but he had to be honest.

"Why?!" Edward asked, his voice laced with bitterness.

"Because it was _too big_ for you." Roy answered, and damn it, he hated how he felt the need to be honest to the blond. Because he sees another wash of hurt run across Ed's features. Just why did it have to be like this?

Edward doesn't reply for a minute, but he shakes and slowly his eyes drift to the floor. His auto-mail hand gripping the table-cloth roughly. Taking another look at the picture of Liore, Edward thinks about how much he hates the military, how they always manage to fuck _something_ up. And he hates the damn Colonel too, for always keeping him in the dark. He could have _helped,_ damn it.

Damn it all.

* * *

Outside of their headquarters, the team is lounging around in the sun. With no new orders from the Colonel, they were taking an impromptu break. Everyone's mind weighed heavily on the fact that the Elric brothers were left in the dark of so much – especially the death of Maes Hughes.

"They really don't know, huh." Kain asked. "About what happened to Brigadier General Hughes?"

"Apparently not." Havoc answered, a cigarette hung loosely between his lips.

Breda folds his arms over one another and closes his eyes, "If the Colonel told the boys all that happened, they'd no doubt run to Central in tears.."

"Fullmetal's work is too important here, he can't." Falman replied swiftly.

Riza closes the book she was reading, "The Elric Brothers have entangled themselves in a very dangerous web." Riza said, her voice soft and her eyes carry a sad look. "The Colonel wants them to be under his supervision right now, that's the real reason he's keeping them close."

Alphonse's armor creaks from behind them, "Um, you guys know where my brother went?"

* * *

Edward stood in front of Frank Archers desk, the pale looking creature had his hands folded under his chin, eyes examining the infamous Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward tries to ignore how damn creepy the man is, because he _needs_ to get out and into Liore. He knows if he asked Mustang the man would say 'no' before he even finished the question. Because Roy Mustang was a total and complete _bastard._ And he _has_ to get out to Liore, he has to find Scar before he hurts anymore people. He has to find Rose too, so that Scar cannot hurt her.

"I want you reporting directly back to _me_ , it's very important. " Archer said in a swift tone. "But as long as you agree to all the conditions I've laid out, I think we have ourselves a deal."

A sly grin was spreading across his lips, because he finally got his hands on such a valuable item in the military. With a name like Fullmetal under him, he'd no doubt be noticed by the Fuhrer.

The door burst open behind them, and Roy Mustang barged his way into Archers office. "Edward!" Roy shouted, "What are you doing in here?!"

Archer chuckles from behind his desk, "Always overreacting, Mustang." he said in condescending tone. "Mr. Elric here has requested to do some scouting in Liore."

 _'What the hell, Edward?'_ Roy thinks, but he knows how damn important Liore is to Edward. It was one of his first missions, one of his first 'successes', and he knows it wounded Edward to learn the truth about Liore. And Edward is always on a mission to live up to his name as 'hero of the people', he always wants to save the world. "You're going to let one of our most _prized_ state-alchemists go out to sightseeing?" Roy asked, dumbfounded at Archer's logic.

"It's his talents that make me confident he'll come back in one piece." Archer answered, "Right, Ed?"

Archer truly must be stupid to believe that Edward would ever come back from a mission in one piece. Has he ever seen Ed's file? Has he ever seen the damage Edward causes on the simplest of missions, how he can start a fight with anyone, how he has a nack for pissing the wrong people off?

"He also knows the city's layout better than any of us do."

Okay, Roy will give Archer that. Edward does know the layout better than the rest of them, he had spent quite some time in Liore back on that mission. Roy looks at Edward, a knot of worry already growing in his stomach despite the boy being right beside him. But Edward won't even spare him so much as a glance, he's standing there with his eyes closed.

"And don't worry about him going AWOL." Archer adds with a cheshire grin like smile, "He's leaving his brother here as collateral."

Roy's eyes widen in surprise, because Edward has _never_ gone on a mission without Al. From the very beginning they had always made it a point to go on missions together. _Always._ Edward flat out refused to go out on his own, Al always had to come with it. They enjoyed traveling together, working together to reach their goal. And for Edward to agree to go on a mission _without_ Al, that was something truly strange. Was Edward truly _that_ desperate to search through Liore?

Archer's eyes slide into small slits as the cheshire grin on his lips merely grows. His hands coming up to rest on his chin once more, in the most evil fashion. "As devoted as he is, I'm sure that Edward won't up and leave his little brother behind."

Fuck Frank Archer.

* * *

"Why the hell didn't you come to me?!" Roy asked, his voice thick with anger and a hidden hint of betrayal.

"Well, because you wouldn't have said yes." Edward answered simply, marching speedily through the hallways with balled up fist.

"You're not thinking straight." Roy replied simply, following Edward across the titled floors. "You're upset because you just learned the truth about Liore." _'God only knows how he'll react once he learns the truth about Hughes.'_ Roy thought solemnly.

Edward suddenly stopped, "Hm, and I wonder who I have to blame for that." He replied sarcastically while turning his head to face Roy. He looked at the Colonel for a moment before ducking his head and began to slowly walk down the hallway once more.

Roy watched the boy walk away, his head ducked down in anger and betrayal. The one person he had actually trusted after the failed transmutation of his Mother, the person who believed in his ability to restore what they have lost. He knew of their tabooed past, yet he hadn't ever turned the boys in..

"I wouldn't let you go because I actually care about you, Edward!" Roy calls out to the boy, because they can't leave like this. Not when his heart is breaking both in worry and sadness for lying to the boy.

Edward stops, slowly turning to face Roy. "Like I'd ever believe that Mustang." Edward replies, his eyes a mixture of hurt and anger. "If you cared about me, you wouldn't have lied to me."

 _Fuck –_ this is going to make telling him about Hughes a _hundred_ times worse. Because if lying to him about Liore hurt him this bad, lying to him about Hughes's death is going to make Roy look even more like a bastard. "Edward, you don't understand." Roy starts, "Just give me a chance to explain."

Edward shook his head as he turned around, beginning to run off again. "You lost your chance to explain when you told me you felt it was ' _too big'_ for me to handle." Edward answered, his tone dull.

It can't end like this, because what if this is the _last time_ he will ever see the boy _alive_? Because Liore is a danger zone, and Edward is going on this mission _alone._ He doesn't have back up, for if he runs into Scar or and of the homunculi, and if they catch him in a weak spot – like they have before, even with Al – Edward is doomed. He is doomed, and no one will be able to bring him back if he is so critically injured. And Edward loves to brush with death, it's like he enjoys seeing the Grimm Reaper flash him a joker smile before throwing him head first back into the land of the living. Edward lives off those adrenaline rushes, Roy could only assume so with the dozens of reports of missions where Edward was critically injured.

"It was because I love you!" Roy shouts out into the distance, hoping Edward would hear him.

Edward freezes, nearly tripping when he hears Roy. "You're fuckin' lying." Edward spits out before he even turns around. "You're even more of an asshole now than you were a few minutes ago."

"I'm not lying, Edward." Roy said in a serious tone, "I love you."

Good _lord_ , Roy can't believe he said that out-loud. Because he's thought it for sometime now, but he's never vocalized it. He's thought it, and he's thought about how beautiful the teen – nearly a man now – and how he'd just love to wrap his arms around him. Tell him how beautiful he is, and just show Edward what love is and how beautiful the world can be when you are with somebody who values you. Because Roy know's that Edward has never had someone like that before – besides Al, of course – someone who can raise you up when you're down. Roy doesn't know when he started longing for this relationship – maybe it was when he finally took a good look at the man, or maybe it was after their duel several months ago. But Roy has never wanted anything more than _this_.

He hears foot steps sprinting towards him, and suddenly he's shoved up against a wall. With one of Edward's hands beside his head on the wall, and the other had Roy's shirt balled up in. "You better not be fuckin' with me, Mustang." Edward growled at Roy. "Because if you're fuckin' with me, I will punch that smug grin right off your fuckin' face."

Roy just sent him a so-called 'smug grin', "Then how about you let me prove to you," Roy said. "Prove that I'm not fucking with you."

"Do it." Edward answered, a little more quickly than Roy expected.

Wrapping his arms around Edward's waist, Roy pulled the blond into a soft kiss. Edward is clearly inexperienced – fuck, what if this was his _first_ kiss – but Roy's never had anything sweeter. But like anything, Edward's a quick learner and before Roy knows it, Edward has taken full control of the kiss. His arms wrapped around Roy's neck, pulling him closer, the sweet and tender kiss turning into something hot and full of want. But Roy has to put an end to this before Alphonse finds them and ends Roy.

"Holy _shit_..." Edward whispered as they pulled away,"You're really not fuckin' with me..."

Roy smiles at him, "No, I'm not."

Edward has a look of shock on his face, because no one – besides his family – has _ever_ told him that they love him. No one has ever wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to _love him._ He has spent practically his whole life in a spiral of self-hate that he doesn't know how to handle someone else actually _loving_ him. "Are you on some drugs?" Edward suddenly blurts out, "Like, we're out in the middle of no-where so I'm sure they've got some weird shit."

Roy lets out a deep chuckle, "No, I'm not on drugs." He answered, "Is it really that strange for me to be in love with you?"

This time Edward let out a laugh, "Hell yeah it is." Edward said, "You've alway's been such a bastard to me that I truly thought you hated me for a while there."

Roy frowned, "I'm sorry you felt that way." He replied in a slightly sad tone, "But I never wanted to treat you like a child, because I knew you'd always be treated as a regular solider regardless of your age."

Edward sent him a smile, "I know, you were just preparing me for that." he answered, "It's fine, you just didn't need to go on being such a piece of shit to me."

"You had your fair share of moments where you were being a brat." Roy added, a grin spreading across his lips. "So don't act like it was _just_ me."

"Oh, shut up." Edward rebutted, running his hand across the fabric of Roy's uniform. "So when did it change, when did you start to _like_ me?"

Roy is quiet for a minute, because even he is not sure of when his feelings started to change. One day he felt like Edward a bratty child, but overtime he started to see Edward as the man he was becoming. He saw qualities he liked; his determination, his intellect, how athletic he was, the list went on. Of course, Edward was not bad looking either. With long blond hair and those golden eyes, he was very attractive. But if Roy had to pin-point it on one moment... "It was after our mock battle." Roy answered, "Something about how you respected my demons... and didn't demand an answer after I refused to answer, that just really showed me how much you had grown and from there on my feelings started to change.."

Edward sent Roy a soft smile, "Everyone has their demons, and sometimes it's best that they be left in the dark."

Roy pulled Edward in closer, pressing a soft kiss to Edward's forehead. "So, when did it change for you, hm?" Roy asked.

"Hmm.." Edward hummed, thinking through of the last four years that he's known Roy. Truth be told, he had always thought the man was good-looking. But Roy always pissed him off so much that it took him awhile to realize things had change. That his tune rang more playful, and push boundaries sometimes... "I didn't really notice things until Al asked when I was going to stop flirting and make a move already."

Roy let out a loud laugh, "Al noticed before either of us did?" Roy asked with a chuckle, "Can't believe how perceptive the kid is."

Edward nodded, "He's too smart for his own good, I keep tellin' him it's going to get him into trouble one day." He replied, "He drove me nuts for like, three months solid, about how I needed to make a move already."

"Wish you had made a move sooner," Roy answered promptly, "so we could have more time to spend together."

Edward let out a sigh, a soft muttering of _'fuck'_ leaving his lips as he closed his eyes for a moment. "I wish I had too." He replied, opening his eyes to reveal a doleful look. "Because things are about to get bad, and I can't guarantee what'll happen."

Roy's eyes mirrored the depressive look, "I don't know what's going to happen either, we both have a lot of enemies out to get us."

Edward replied with a slight nod, "It's going to get dangerous, for the both of us.." he added, because he couldn't say he didn't know if he was going to make it out alive. He just couldn't admit that _now_ , when they were getting so close to their goal. When he had just gained a new goal, when life was _finally_ looking up for once. He refused to accept death now.

"We just have to try and make it out." Roy said, his voice bringing Edward out of his thoughts. "I can't say it'll be easy, for either of us, but we just have to fight back the best we can."

"It'll be sometime before it get really bad, we still have some time before we should be super worried." Edward replies, trying to shake off his own worry. They still have time, but not much. But it's time that Edward won't have to worry about Roy as much – because now he will _always_ worry about the man – and it's time where he can think, and worry about Liore and finding Scar.

Roy smiles, and runs a hand through Edward's long blond bangs – something he's _always_ wanted to do. The golden strands are soft, running smoothly between Roy's fingers. Edward leans into the touch, "I don't want to let you go off to Liore." Roy announces, looking at the beautiful man he can finally call _his._ How could he let this danger seeking teen roam free in Liore, especially when he's searching for Scar. "I'll worry about you too much."

"I'll be fine." Edward says with a smile, "I just want to find out what went wrong, what started the uprising."

Roy frowned, "Why won't you take Al with you?" he asked, "I'd feel better if you had back up."

Edward rolled his eyes, "Wasn't my idea to keep Al here, Archer made me." Edward responded in an irritated tone. "He obviously doesn't trust me, so he made me leave something important behind as collateral so he'd make sure I'd come back."

"Why did you agree to that anyway?" Roy asked, confused by the blond's unusually tame nature today.

"Because I knew it was the only way I was going to get out to Liore." Edward answered, running his hand across the lapels of Roy's uniform. "I have to get out to Liore, I have to find Scar."

Roy just sighed, "I know nothing I say will stop you from trying to find Scar." he started, running another hand through Edward's soft blond hair. "I just need you to tell me that you'll be careful, and that you'll come back to me in one piece."

"I can promise that I'll be careful, and I can promise that I'll _try_ to come back in one piece." Edward said with a smirk. "Scar's unpredictable, so I can't say I won't get hurt but I'll try my best."

"That'll do." Roy said, pulling the man in for another kiss.

The kiss was soft and sweet, both pouring as much love into the kiss as they can. Because before they know it, their time will be numbered. The city is about to get dangerous, and no one knows what'll happen. But for now, in this moment, Roy and Ed have each other. They have each other, and they are savoring in the moment. Because they don't know when they will have another moment alone like this, and they are enjoying it as much as they can.

Pulling apart, both men had a smile on their face. "I love you." Roy said, his voice soft and full of tenderness. Edward's grin began to grow, "I love you too.." his voice soft and sweet, a tone Roy has never heard before but he _loves_ it.

"I best let you get to Al now, before he starts to worry." Roy said albeit sadly, "Maybe we can meet again before you head out.."

"We can try." Edward said, he didn't know how long he'd be out here. But he'd love to spend as much time as possible with Roy.

"You promise me you'll try to stay out of trouble in Liore." Roy asked, not saying _'please don't make this uprising worse.'_

"I'll try." Edward said with a smirk, "You try not strangle that creep, Archer."

Roy chuckle, "I will try my best, but I can't guarantee anything."

"I've got to go." Edward said, kissing Roy on the cheek. "I'll let you know when I get back."

"I'd appreciate that, good luck out there." Roy said, kissing Edward on the forehead before finally releasing him. Edward said good-bye for the third time, before finally running off down the hallway. Roy watched as the blonde's braid swung back and forth as he ran down the hallway. A smile began to tug at his lips, the next few days might be grim, but the life he saw ahead with Edward was definitively going to be bright.


End file.
